Fictions by Ima.

NOVEMBER 15TH 2013       I know that you haven’t heard from me in a while... well its been crazy!           Remember the family I told you I was with at school? That’s the reason.      One day four years ago while I was still with them, I couldn’t go to school cos of my period. It hurt me this time more than I could imagine and so I thought to myself that it was better I didn’t embarrass myself at school. I heard a knock on the door of my room just when I was trying to find a good resting spot on the bed. I opened and saw the husband standing there and I thought I was alone in the house since everyone bade me goodbye a while ago. He just stood there with that same look in his eyes... it was a weird look that often sent shivers down my spine. I occasionally caught him looking at me that way from across the dining table, in the kitchen, while I was doing the laundry and I was never comfortable with it and for some vague reason, ...

JANUARY 2nd 2008     My family’s ritual during the New Year is to go visiting close relatives. This year, we went to one of our relatives’ and it was... weird.     When we got there, we heard someone screaming so my dad knocked the door really hard, cos the screams were coming from inside the house and it seemed that if he didn’t knock really hard, no one would know that we were outside. All their neighbours said nothing when we asked if they knew what was happening. Eventually my uncle opened the door and my dad quizzed him for a while about the screams and all. I was pressed, really pressed so I made a bee line for the bathroom. I forgot to knock and when I opened, she didn’t see me but I saw my aunt washing her face. When I looked closer, she was spewing blood from her mouth. She looked up into the mirror and saw me by the door, she turned around and smiled at me, I was motionless, smileless and scaredful...if the words exist. She motioned on me to come in and...

                    DECEMBER 30TH 2007       Just when I was beginning to get comfortable with the fact that the year is ending, we got word that my cousin was killed in a car accident. She had just left the house to get something from a nearby kiosk when the car skidded of the road and on to her. It’s like the drunk driver planned on hitting her cos she was the only one that was hit by the car. If that was the end to it, I would not have minded but on the day she was hit, the news hadn’t gotten to me yet when I saw her in the bathroom with me when I was taking a shower. She just stood there and said nothing. When I saw her, I got goose pimples all over my body. I asked her how she got it but she just stood there and by the time I blinked, she was gone. When I came out, I asked my siblings if anyone had seen her come in but no one saw her at all. I was beginning to think that I was maybe imagining things when late...

Due to certain circumstances, the HER DIARY blog shall be under construction for a few days. You will be informed of our resumption. We will be back and better. Season's greetings!!!!

    DECEMBER 25TH 2007      You will not believe what happened... he called! The guy at school and I don’t know why, but it gave me the jitters. He wants to be my boy friend and I’m not sure but I didn’t like the sound of that. I know I admire him but I didn’t expect him to lay all his cards on the table. I don’t even know him past his weird name and the fact that we attend the same school and I ‘m not sure if I want to know him. What if I say yes and then realise he has a habit of picking his nose in public and shaking hands with the defiled fingers or he loves to cram food into his mouth and doesn’t care where or when he does so or what if he drools...eeewww!!!!  I am so saying no.

                           DECEMBER 24TH 2007       I’m back home for Christmas. The feeling of the season Is what I love most about Christmas; the air is clear and sweet, the birds never sang so melodiously and I’m elated by it all. Some people don’t know the essence of Christmas, they feel it’s just another over-hyped holiday but it really isn’t. It’s a time of sacrifice, a time to recognise sacrifice and a time to be new again. The world has never provided such hope in just the birth of a child yet Christmas offers that hope. It’s not about the day in the year, it’s about the occurrence of an incident at a point in time in history; an occurrence that has changed lives. I love this season and always will.      One of the other good parts of Christmas is the food...the lovely food! The variety of meals to be eaten!! I think I’m over-smiling at the thought.

DECEMBER 16TH 2007        I went to school again today, turns out that today is the last day of lectures. It was fun and new especially with all the big terms that were used...i even began to wonder if the lecturer was bent on confusing us than leading us to understanding. But to my amazement, some students understood what he said. The day was so stressful that when I returned I had to get me a nice whisky wrap. I hope I am not caught cos I would be in big trouble if that happens. I will stop one day but maybe not today although sometimes I feel bad, guilty... God pls don’t leave me because of this.      Hey I saw that guy again today... he was really nice. I almost lost composure but a lady never loses her composure. We spoke a little and he asked for my phone number which I gave to him. He hasn’t called yet but I am expecting him to. Speak of the devil... he is calling me right now, gotta go!

            DECEMBER 15TH 2007 I got to school a few days ago and did all I had to do. I didn’t know that the school was to vacate early, thank God I made it in time.      You’ll never believe what happened to me! After I finished with all I had to do, I decided to attend lectures for the first time and so I tried to make my way to the class. I knew nobody and felt very little... the school is big!! When I eventually got there, I asked a guy where I could go for my lecture and he directed me. When I got to the class, my heart was pounding cos there was a lecturer already in the class. A student told me to go in and I ran in while ducking like a rat. I got seated next to someone and I asked him what class that was and he told me it was a third year student’s class. I don’t think a cheetah could run out of the class as fast as I did. I don’t know why I panicked but I was scared. Thinking about it now, I can’t help but laugh at the wh...

       DECEMBER 5TH 2007       Hey diary, I passed my final exams and wrote an aptitude test for two universities. I passed both but just got word today that I’ve gotten admitted into one of them. Its ok, I just wish it was the other university buh I’ll see where this leads. My mom is ecstatic, even more than I am; she is currently dancing around the house and it is such a funny sight. I’ll have to stay with an old family relative of ours when I get to school. I’ll be travelling down there in a few days time to pay my fees and do some other stuff... wish me luck!

                   JULY 6 TH 2007 I will be through with secondary school in a matter of months and that is if I pass my final exams. Then I guess I’ll be off to the university. Dunno how I feel about that; I think it’s weird and really frightening. I’m not even sure of what I want to study yet and which university I would choose. I feel really pressured most times when I think of it cos it makes me feel as though I have no purpose in life. And I keep asking myself what on earth am I here for? I don’t even know what I like to do...it’s unnerving! Sometimes, when I can’t take the pressure any more, I help myself to a shot or two from my dad’s wine cabinet.   I love Punch Gravy; it’s the sweetest alcohol on earth and the best stress relieving liquid ever! I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it... I think I’m addicted to it.

                                   6th JULY 2006    I've been thinking of death lately. Been wondering what it would feel like to die. My lil cousin who wasn't up to a month old just dies and somehow I'm thinking there'd be peace in the land of the dead. Its a place of rest but then I begin to imagine the silence- deafening. That's the part I don't think I would like. Like it or not, the various sounds we are exposed to are somewhat a blessing. But the troubles of this life are terrible. Parents fighting with their children, brother hurting brother and strangers kidnapping friends...hmmm.    Don't mind me diary, its just one if my lone thoughts.

                         NOVEMBER 6TH 2005       Went a’ camping in October in a rather new yet old part of the country. It was a totally different experience than what I have been used to in life. Ate a food I know I’d never eat on a normal day but it was fun.       I had been disturbing my parents about the camp ever since I heard of it and what made it worse was that most of my friends had gone ahead of me. When they eventually gave me the permission to attend, I didn’t know what to pack; I was so excited that I didn’t realise how long the camp would last.       When I got to the camp, I met my best friend at the time. She was on the big...let’s say, the fat side of life and for me, you only have to be fat to be seen by me as motherly and cuddly hence the reason why I wanted her to mother me during that period. I was pretty smaller than the other girls there but I was...

JULY 7TH 2004      One of the down-sides to doing stuff like I wrote yesterday is the guilt that comes afterwards. It was only about a week ago I gave my life to Christ again and again and I had pledged to be good but sometimes I don’t know what takes over me. I could really start off well and be ecstatic about it and retrogress later to a point where that it hardly seems like I started. I know God has a great plan for me but some of the things the world has to offer are so sweet and enticing. It’s hard not to want them again and again. It only seems fair or better to indulge and ask for forgiveness. And I’m afraid I’ve become addicted to this one. I pray that one day I receive salvation and perfect change. I want to be good, I think its safer to be good but the restraint is what I lack. Help me Lord to restrain myself when tempted to indulge in the things I know you know will never give me peace. Give me the courage to say NO to them and the determination to never loo...

                     JULY 6TH 2004       The crave had been on for days now; had been finding it a bit difficult to control it.  I was longing for that bitter-sweet, ecstasy-giving, cloud-living taste.       I had hoped I could wait until after the exams but the thirst had me cornered. The rush above all else was what I craved for. I tried to hold it back but my efforts failed me and then I caved in, convinced one of my friends at the house where I went to study before our examination that day to escort me so we could get it. She obliged and before I knew it, it was in my hand; she got one for herself as well. I sliced the sachet open with keen ferocity hoping not to be noticed; I squeezed the sachet and smiled when I felt the liquid flow down to my throat. I didn’t allow it a free pass just yet; I gaggled it making sure all its taste was everywhere in my mouth and then I let it go.    ...

JULY 6TH 2003        I met a guy, his name is Jason. He is tall, light-skinned and has a cute smile. I thought he was genuinely interested in me and I felt he was ok since I met him through my brother. He told me to meet him somewhere at a garden. I was really excited about it because no one had really shown interest in me; I was beginning to think that God made a mistake in making me a girl.       On the specific day we were to meet, I was really apprehensive about the meeting. I told him that I didn’t want to go but he insisted vehemently. I wanted to tell my brother but I insisted against it; I wanted to be a girl and have the kind of fun that other girls had.      When I was done dressing up and was stepping out of the house, my mom who had been on a trip arrived at that same moment. I had totally forgotten that she said she was returning that day. Some part of me was relieved and the other part was a bit sad. You should have ...

    JULY 6TH 2002       In a matter of months, I should be in the senior class. I think I would like to know how it feels to be a senior student. My only prayer is that I grow taller by then.       I fell ill again, this time it was really serious. I remember waking up really weak. After having a shower I went out to check if my dog was ok (oh... I have a dog. He is the sweetest of them all) by the time I turned to enter into the house, I saw two doors; two entrances into the house. I was a bit confused but I chose one of the doors and went in its direction and by this time, I couldn’t see anymore, everything just blacked out.  Though I wasn’t able to see clearly, I kept moving only to fall into a ditch that had mud in it. That seemed to do the magic cos immediately I fell in, I could see clearly. I stood up, went into the house; it was just one door now; and the last thing I remember was falling on the bed.        D...

JULY 6TH 2001       I touched his hand, I did! It felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I think I saw a twinkle in his eyes that night and that made me know he likes me too but I’m not sure.      Something happened a while back in school. A teacher who really liked me picked me up for an excursion on my way to the school’s administrative block. I wasn’t even with my school bag and I didn’t get the opportunity to tell my friend so she could tell my family. I was happy about the field trip nonetheless. I was in the company of senior students and it was for science students and I knew nothing about science at the time.       We were taken to a top petrochemical organisation for a debate competition that we were to observe. We sat with other spectators and observed the competition amidst annoying students making fun of others. When the debaters did not know an answer, the question would be thrown to the spectators who would answer and be...

                                   JULY 6TH 2000        According to the television and my mom who was dancing strangely by the window, this is a new millennium (whatever that means). Well if it is, then I’m grateful to God for keeping I and my family to this day, I owe it all to him.       Secondary school has been terrible. I had a fight two weeks after resuming with a girl who is now my friend...strange huh? It was love at first fight! I only found out that she is really nice and kind and I must have really annoyed her enough for her to fight back...that just tells me she is no coward. Personally, I don’t think I want to fight anymore... I know I don’t ace it with looks so I prefer not to further occasion harm.       Oh! I didn’t tell you, there is this guy in my class, he is SOOO CUTE! I steal glances every opportunity I get. He is jus...

                            JULY 6TH 1999     Fell ill again and again. My clothes hardly fit and my brothers were in the habit of calling me “skelebobo 101” cos of how thin I am.     I think I heard my mom crying in her room. I tried to listen through the keyhole in the door but I heard mainly muffles and something about losing a child.  I was terrified because, I’m not sure I remember her pregnant. I think it must have been a boy cos I know I always wanted a little brother. I wonder what may have happened.  She sounded so sad and I heard her say that it was the fourth son she had lost. I pray she never has to go through that experience again.     For the days after that day, I can’t remember seeing her smile. Hmm... I really don’t know what it means to lose a child but I can imagine. I tried my best those few days to be a good daughter until she came out of the depr...

JULY 6TH 1998     This now my third year in primary school and so far it’s been great. One of my big brothers has gone to secondary school and I’m getting used to the environment.      I got picked out for an excursion to welcome a man named Richard King to Nigeria. It was a swell experience! A Canadian lady took a liking to me and gave sweets and pie but my teacher who was totally hovering around me like a hungry vulture took it from me immediately the nice lady turned to leave. I only got driblets! But on the whole, I was glad I went for the programme.      Something else happened earlier this year. I was taking a walk with my best friend beside a football field at school where my brother and his friends were playing ball and before I could spit out the next word to my friend, I was on the ground. Turned out that someone- who would later be my crush- took a merciless shot and it hit the back of my head. It was unexplainable! My brother rush...

JULY 6TH 1997       Mom is always making me eat with my brother and the guy is soooo not nice! He eats the good portion and leaves me out on it and it’s because I’m a slow eater. Well, the last time we ate, I was very angry so I tossed some of the food in his face...I felt good about this...until he retaliated.        Oh! That uncle of mine is still here although the other two have left to probably make their own herd.         My best friend’s brother slapped me. He thought I hurt his sister meanwhile, I didn’t. I hate him for that, in fact I hate both of them for that.        Dad had promised me a bicycle if I came first in class this year and guess what? I did! The funny thing is, dad only gave me twenty naira. Humph! Twenty naira...I had saved in my bag about a thousand naira and all dad could give me was twenty naira...well...i thanked him and went on to spend it. I know I would blame my dad if later on...

                 JULY 6TH 1996       Hey, I started going to primary school this year. The first days were terrible but bearable because my big brothers were still there although not for long. I met a girl there and I already like her. She is as short as I am and she kinda is like me.         Well things back at home hasn’t been really good. Another one of my father’s brother came from the village. He specializes in touching me in weird places. Would love to scream but he threatened the life out of me and me being timid and all,...well...I’ve learnt to get used to it. All I know is that no family members will come to my home when I grow up.         Hey, I fell ill one time during the past year. It was so intense I couldn’t walk; I crawled. Dunno, but sometimes I like bad things to happen to me. I know I am mostly sorry for myself and really enjoy hearing people sympathize with me but s...

JULY 6TH 1995       Growing up with a certain kind of knowledge that sucks you into it every time is never the best way to grow. No one at home knew what happened last year and I am scared of speaking out; not sure what they would do to me. He said he’d beat me up and I don’t know if dad will do same. I hate living this way! Why do I have to carry this burden alone? I choose not to.                                         *        I guess the secret wasn’t to stick on me alone for long, my big sisters found out. I don’t like the way they looked at me, it was a mixture of fright, pity and disgust. I blame myself. If I was stronger and less afraid maybe it would never have happened to me. Maybe if I had screamed and fought him off, I would be telling a different story, a better one. Maybe if I wasn’t so fragile, thin and innocent...maybe if I wasn’t b...

JULY 6TH 1994 Four old years today and I’m beginning to feel like a lady. Nursery school is no longer a bother; I’m the best student in class, the teacher loves me, and other kids try to be like me...things could not get any better.      One day in the course of the year, I finally understood who Jesus is. Mom and dad had been teaching us about him but I never quite grasped the true picture until that day in church. His life is can be summarised thus: He left His throne/home, came to earth to show the way to salvation, died to show for it and is alive forever. Anyone who can’t see this sacrificial act as the best thing in the history of mankind is...well, a child younger than me. I fell in love with Him from that day and often was caught in day dreams of being held in His arms cos guess what? He loves little children! I am soo qualified.      Something else happened during that period. One of those days when I was left home alone with my uncles, I had...

         JULY 6TH 1993      So far nursery school has been one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I hate leaving home and I hate being alone. The first day I got to the school, I went down to my class with my mom and after she finished discussing with the teacher there, she smiled at me, hugged me and turned to leave with what seemed like the same kind of wet substance I saw in dad’s eyes. I ran to meet her and held her hand so we could go together but she let go of me. Just then, the teacher called out to me. I turned to find him and by the time I looked back, she was gone! She was gone!! I tried to run up the staircase to find her but my legs were too small, I had to crawl and when I got up to the last platform and found that she was nowhere in sight, I cried my life out. Hmm... while crying, some of the other children there started singing a song for me insinuating that I’m a cry baby who needed her mommy and I felt ashamed. Thin...

JULY 6TH 1992      This year is going to be one of my best years; now I can walk, pronounce some words, lift up and hold something without it dropping. My tall uncle has really been taking great care of me and he doesn’t mind my occasional pooing expeditions. Lol! But that other one is the weirdest of the crop. I think he knows I don’t like him cos whenever he picks me up, I cry as though I’m being kidnapped.      I heard mom say today that I’ll soon be going to a nursery school and I wonder what it means. She said I could go because I seemed bright. I don’t mind doing what she says but I wouldn’t want anything to keep me away from her, my uncle and this home. I keep having this sour feeling that I may not like the place but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

JULY 6TH 1991           I guess the year passed on quickly or slowly but what do I care? I slept most of the time and when I wasn’t sleeping, I was eating and when I wasn’t doing that, I was pooing...that was a part I really enjoyed. It was such a relieving experience and I didn’t have to clean it up. It was fun looking at the faces of my family members cleaning me up...comical. the only person that didn’t have a funny face was her; she cleaned me up with something that looked like a smile, as though she was enjoying it. When she cleaned, she would talk to me in the very same way she did when I was in my space. Sometimes I understood her and sometimes I didn’t but I just loved listening to her.      It was when she spoke to me again I realised that today was my birthday. No wonder she dressed me up nicely and everyone was smiling sheepishly. It was really cool cos I was treated like a princess. My siblings all carried me one after the other a...

                 JULY 6TH 1990   Today was a day like no other. I felt a little discomfort in my pleasant little home; the space was getting smaller or was I getting bigger? My tiny tube which I had loved to play with had become increasingly annoying and “what in God’s name was this water doing in here?” “And what ugly sac is this that covered me?” Wasn’t this the place I had spent months in? Why was I feeling tired of the place so soon? Maybe it’s the desire for more that came some days ago. I heard  her speak with her sweet voice of something I would later understand its meaning and I immediately desired to know more and see more for surely, there is indeed more to this tiny space of mine. So here is what I did. I started with a kick and after a few kicks, I tried turning round in my room, but I couldn’t. Boy was I big! Then a bright idea came. I began tearing at that ugly sac. I had dreamt of doing this for days now. I tore...